Triumph?

I have lost all contact with my hunger and satisfaction impulses. I eat when I see or smell something nice - heck, I just need to see someone tucking into something on the telly to think "hmmm I fancy a sandwich...." You don't fancy a sandwich! You saw someone eating a sandwich in the background on that programme! You are not really hungry!!!

Over the last few days I've been observing myself, looking out for hunger pangs, seeing if I can recognise them, and you know what? I can't tell the difference between a full stomach and an empty one!

Today I had a rushed lunch and could only eat half my sandwich, I kept the rest and ate it at about four, I don't know if I was hungry or just felt sorry for myself because people were leaving work and I still had an hour and a half to go. I ate the sandwich, enjoyed it, and savoured the full feeling after I ate it. Then 5:30 came and I thought I would pack up and leave. As I went down the stairs I started rationalising:

I never had any fruit today, just a single sandwich (but a mujaddarah one - lentil, like dahl, it is known as cement for the stomach) ah, but just the one sandwich after all, I'll just take a look at the vending machine, I've had no biscuits or sweets or fruit.... I can feel a sensation in my stomach, I must be hungry.

So I did go to the vending machine, I promised I would take only the smallest lowest calorie thing in it, and there was my favourite, a Topic 237 calories! no. But look - a Ripple, I love Galaxy chocolate, a Ripple is full of air, hardly eating anything, only 175 calories, oh look a Bounty - if I eat half that's only 134 calories... At that point I stood back and took a look at myself (a metaphorical look, I was still watching the chocolate) "When have you ever stopped at half a Bounty?" I looked at that case of goodies - then decided this is stupid and turned around. I had realised that sensation in my stomach wasn't hunger - it was fullness. A subtle difference but I think I'll have to listen to my body, and use my brain to interpret the sensations - after thinking about when and what I last ate.

And the triumph? Being able to walk away from that machine without a second glance, savouring the fullness of my stomach, and not feeling that I was depriving myself .

Walking in Dalkeith

Today was mild and pleasant - not at all like a late October day! I went for my usual walk - who would have thought I could walk a mile a day? Voluntarily? I'm really glad to be doing it. I do a quick turn around the streets near my office, ending up in a park. It's nice to see the children playing there on fine days and just as nice to have the place to myself when it's dull or windy.
I've been doing this for several weeks now, but on my return today I decided to continue through the centre of Dalkeith and have a peek in a couple of shops. Big mistake. The centre of Dalkeith is full of bakeries and cafes, and the all pervading smell of pastries and fried food nearly broke my resolve! It would have been so nice to just pop into Greggs for a chicken bake, or even a sausage roll! Fortunately it passed, and I left the shops smartish and returned to my office where I thoroughly enjoyed my beans and rice.