I was a logical child and racked my brains to think of ways anyone could hurt themselves and couldn't come up with any. I filed it away in the recesses of my brain along with numerous other mysterious adult phrases that didn't make sense to me.But you know? 40 years later I think I understand it!
Today for example. My beloved husband rang me to tell me he had bought me a treat for my dinner - a scotch pie! 500 calories of grease and pastry masquerading as food. Don't get me wrong, a scotch pie is manna from heaven and there are ex-pat scots all around the world (including in England) who would bite your arm off if given the chance of one. Normally I would regard it as a real treat - in fact in the bad old days two pies and beans were a favourite of mine. But now I'm trying to eat carefully! So I am looking at scotch pie, oven chips and beans for tea - that's going to be 750 calories down the drain. A sensible person would say - ok, heavy meal we'll work round it, light lunch, forgo the usual ice-cream treat tonight no problem. We can do this thing.
So what do I do? I go out at lunch time, it's pouring with rain, I buy a hat to keep the rain off my face during my walk, I buy a BOX OF MALTESERS without even justifying it to myself - I just do it, I don't bother with the walk, after all I'll walk home tonight. I don't touch the maltesers all afternoon, but then, after getting off the bus, and starting my walk home - I open the maltesers and EAT THE LOT! 606 calories!
I'm not stupid, I know what I'm doing, and what I'm doing is sabotaging myself for no good reason. Maybe, possibly, I'm punishing my husband for being so thoughtless as to buy such a heavy meal. That I know is stupid. Maybe at a subconscious level I don't want to be thinner - that is just bloody stupid. I think at times I channel my inner toddler - somewhere deep inside me is a 2 year old who's just learned to stamp her feet and say NO!
Aaargh at times I really am my own worst enemy.
The most awful thing is that pie or no pie, today I would have nestled nicely within my calorie range if I hadn't eaten those bloody maltesers!!!
